I read this week’s chapter as a woman who has struggled with loneliness in several different settings. Language school was a lonely time as I learned to live in Latin America with my husband and two babies. No one else from our mission was there, and while we built friendships, it seemed we were just getting close and comfortable with a few people when it was time to move to Venezuela. And, once there, I was again lonely.As missionaries in a declared Catholic town, we weren’t allowed to attend church. Our town was very isolated—people traveled by river or by the expensive, once-a-day flight to the capitol. All strangers were suspect—including Venezuelans from different parts of the country. Over the years we made great friends, but those first years were lonely as my husband was away long hours each day flying for missionaries living in the jungle while I was at home with babies and the HF radio to keep in touch with the pilots with no car, no phone, and no neighbors.
Those early years of loneliness taught me many lessons—lessons I’ve learned a lot more than once! And, now, many years later, we’re on the move again and I’m facing that same loneliness. I miss having familiar faces in my life, knowing my community, living near friends and family. Even as I write this I know we’re moving again—I just don’t know when or where. Life is changing again.
The lessons I’ve learned have been rich, and sometimes, time and place specific. Sometimes the lessons have had to be repeated, but often God has had new things for me to learn. Ravi’s lesson on loneliness includes concepts I’ve never before considered, like, “Our experience of loneliness is universal, and love alone is not the answer. There is a ‘beyond’ in all of us that love does not satisfy.” As I’ve thought about that sentence, I think it explains some of my loneliness.
This may be our deepest chapter to read yet.
I know the concepts tended to fly over my head as I read and I needed soak time to consider if what Ravi wrote made sense to me. With time, I think I’ve come to understand what he is saying. This week, as you write your response on our blog, instead of just responding to what Ravi writes about, would you be willing to write about a lonely episode in your own life and the lessons you learned during that time? We’d find your insights helpful.
And, if you are dealing with loneliness right now, maybe you’d like to pose a question for us. We can prayerfully respond to each other and hopefully be an encouragement to one another.
5 comments:
Well I have to admit that I'm going through a bit of a lonely time right now. Some of my loved ones back in the USA are suffering and going through some major struggles right now. It's so hard not to be there to share the burdens and walk the road together. Sometimes I think to myself about how I may have hurt/am hurting friends and family members by following what I believe is God's call on my life. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense.
Honestly, I don't think I have ever met a missionary who hasn't experienced loneliness. It seems to come with the territory. I know it has for me.
Our first 2 years on the field were especially lonely for me. Sometimes it is difficult to remember how difficult and bleak that season of life was. I looked back in my journal to remember exactly what I was experiencing in those weeks and months. We rarely had electricity- and when we did, it was only for two hours a day. Though we had indoor plumbing, we sometimes went for weeks and even months without running water. I was a new mom with a 9-month old baby. No internet, and phone calls back to the States were very expensive. Though thankfully, we stayed pretty healthy, there were times when we would all be so sick. Those times were so hard. No one to help us. I missed my family and friends far more than I expected that I would. Though we were surrounded by nationals, I have never before wadded in the depths of loneliness as I did in those months. It is those times I found myself just putting one foot in front of the other and pressing on. I found great comfort in Psalm 73:26: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
After 18 months, we had transformed the building that we were living in into a home. Three months later, after observing a pattern of questionable behavior in our ministry partner—we dared ask a few questions and before we knew it we were being kicked out of our house. Without responding to our questions, he built a case against us, and even our home church didn’t seem to believe us. We were given 30 days to be out of the house. Having no where else to go, we were forced to return to the States. We were left “homeless” for 6 months with two small kids while figuring out what in the world we were going to do now. I remember feeling, “Lord, what in the world are you doing?” My husband and I never felt so alone.
I was recently reminded of Joseph. Revealing Himself in dreams, God promised to use Joseph and to elevate him for His divine purposes. Joseph is then sold into slavery and later, falsely accused and imprisoned. I have to believe that Joseph had his doubts. I have to believe that at times, it just didn't make any sense and Joseph wondered if God had forgotten about him. And yet, God redeemed the evil that had been done against Joseph, and remained faithful to the promises He had for him. God never promised that the road would be an easy one for Joseph, but He did promise to redeem the evil and work it together for good. I find great encouragement in the life of Joseph.
I should add. Since being kicked out, we have relocated to a new community, and God has flung the doors open. He has placed opportunities before us that we never would have imagined. He has picked us up from our crawling along, and now, we run!
We have moved three times in the last year due to training and now are in our permanent location. I would say I have had my times of loneliness this year. What is hardest for me is when I am in a group of people and everyone is connecting except me. So being by myself is not as bad as being in a group and alone at least for me. I would have to say that even though the lonely times are hard, it is during those times that I often have the sweetest times with God. It also seems that God will send me someone during that time who needs a friend just like I need one. I just need to be looking for that person instead of focusing on how I feel.
Michelle, Thanks for sharing your heart. I am okay with living far away from friends and family but it is hard when they are going through hard times and I am not able to help.
Dear TJ, Pam and Michelle,
I am really thankful for each of you. God has invited you into life situations that are sometimes lonely--and you have followed him, even when it doesn't make sense. When Jesus called Matthew/Levi, he left everything--even the money on the table. When He called a few people who had family issues, they said--not yet, I have higher priorities than you, Jesus. You didn't do that--and it has been/is hard. Thank you for being faithful--may God comfort each of us in those lonely times with His presence. May we find He really is enough. May we be able to honestly process the hard parts of the life He allows us to live, while at the same time, rejoice in His perfecting, redeeming work in our lives. Holding you close in my prayers...
Being lonely seems to be a part of the human condition. Being a single missionary I have had my share of lonely times. My hardest times are during the holidays. I am fine until my family calls and the phone gets passed around to every one. Then the call is over and I am even more lonely than I was, because I know I am not there with them. But even at those times, if I am willing to look around me I find that I do have friends and teammates here who love and support me. It isn't quite the same and yet it can satisfy.
Then there are times when I am lonely when I am on home assignment (furlough) and least expect it. I am surrounded by family and friends and people who want to hear how things are going over there and yet I feel alone because it is so hard for people to "get" my life. When I compare my loneliness to what Jesus must have felt in this area, I can't complain. At least my "over there" is still on this earth :). I guess God has taught me and continues to teach me that even in the differences there is common ground and I need to search for that ground and try to start the conversation from there.
Being far from home, family, friends and familiar surroundings can make loneliness even harder. I have found that because of that loss of the normal support system, I have to rely on God even more. It isn't always easy and I often fail to appreciate his presence, but He is constantly teaching me and re-teaching me that He is enough. I may not think so at the time, but He is and He knows my needs. My Kenyan friends can't always understand what I am going through, but the Lord has often used them to help me get through these tough times. I go back to the story of Jehosaphat and try to remember all the ways God has been there for me before and pray that he helps me again in whatever way He sees fit, even if it isn't what I might think I want.
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