Have you had a “dark time” in your life? Or known loneliness that goes deep—all the way deep? “My own dark time, as I call it, the time of my loneliness, was most of my life, as I have said, and I can’t make any real account of myself without speaking of it.” This authentic confession is made on paper to a son our author is already lonely for—a son he may not live to see grow up—a son he wishes he could know and be known by. The phrase, “was most of my life…”I’ve known loneliness before—our first term in Venezuela, subsequent moves that made me the new one, the outsider. It seems like our pastor, the hero of our book, somehow made peace with his loneliness, learning to live most of his life lonely. That wouldn’t be my first choice! For this husband, father, pastor, friend, the seasons passed, baseball was played and listened to on a radio that sometimes received a strong signal, people came to talk to him and he listened. And, now, in writing this book, it as if he is asking to be listened to—asking for someone to take the time to hear his memories, and understand his heart.
He weaves his thoughts together as if he is showing us the fabric of his life. And, in doing so, he writes of baseball, his grandfather, a seashell, heaven, snippets of sermons and thoughts about communion. He ends this section with these words, “ If you remember me at all, you may find me explained a little by what I’m telling you…I hope you will understand that when I speak of the long night that preceded these days of my happiness, I do not remember grief and loneliness so much as I do peace and comfort—grief but never without comfort; loneliness, but never without peace. Almost never.”
This week, please write about the lonely times in your life and how you lived them—or how you are living them. How would you describe your loneliness—how do you, did you, pass the lonely days? Are you, were you comforted, filled with peace? What helps when we are lonely?
Two last questions for our comments: is there someone you wish you could be known by? How can you share yourself with that person?
I hope you write—I’m looking forward to learning from you.
4 comments:
Just found this blog after a hiatus from the blogging world. A hiatus due to depression and the slow path to recovery, a road I'm still walking, but a road on which I'm smiling more and more. I'll be writing about my 'dark season of the soul' on my own blog from now to the rest of 2010, so won't go into that now.
But thanks to WOTH for so many wonderful resources to cross cultural female servants!
Loneliness - it is a companion in this life even though we may not want it. I found some of my toughest times of loneliness have been when I am in new situations - even ones I have been in before, but time has passed. For example - when I first came to the field or when I return from furlough; when I first get back "home" on furlough and go to each church to give reports. I have come to see that loneliness in some ways shows we are alive and longing to know and be known. It does give me comfort to know that it is a condition I share with all of humanity - including the savior.
I like this man's attitude towards loneliness. It was a large part of his life, but he got on with his life. In the common events - like baseball that connected him to people even in a small way. I also think his fascination with people, faces and existence helped him look outside himself in his loneliness. Sometimes when I am the most lonely - if I will get out and talk with people or just observe life it helps me stem that deep longing. Prayer is important in this too - to this pastor and to me when I feel embraced by loneliness. Focusing on God and his people and the problems of this life can help to get the focus off of me and my feelings.
I liked that in hindsight he was able to look back on his deep darkness and see a miracle in preparation. He saw it as a blessing. God is at work in us and in the world even when we can't see it or feel it or know what we are waiting on. I don't know why we have to have periods (long or short) when we feel so alone, but I do take comfort and am at peace knowing that God is in control and He knows me and where I am.
Welcome, E.T. and welcome back, Lynn. It will be great to read this book with you. I'm glad you are smiling more, E.T. and I'm glad, Lynn, for God's comfort, too. A friend of mine is spending this summer in DC with her family while her husband fulfills an internship. She is feeling a little lonely right now. She reminds me that there are many reasons people are lonely--and we need to be on the look out for them. I think we love God by loving what He loves--and He loves people, lonely people. I am praying for awareness and discipline to recognize them and then spend time with them. Because--as wonderful as God's comfort is--I really believe He wants us to be His hands and feet and give hugs of friendship to those He loves who are lonely.
I have had times of loneliness on the mission field... as I believe most of us probably have at some time or another. I wrote in great detail about one of those particular times during our last book, so I won't repeat it here. The absence of a companion does result in loneliness. But for me, loneliness hits the hardest when I feel that no one understands.
Whether it is wadding in the depths of depression, or adjusting to a new culture, when you feel that there is no one walking beside you, no one to understand the innermost thoughts of your heart... that brings a different level of loneliness. A desperation of sorts.
The beauty of those times, however, is the subsequent peace that is found in Christ. I could totally relate to what this pastor wrote at the end of this section that: "...I do not remember grief and loneliness so much as I do peace and comfort...loneliness, but never without peace." When we know the absolute sovereignty of the God we serve, there is unspeakable peace, comfort and perspective for our present trials.
In answer to Linda's other questions... I desire to be known by my kids. I desire for them to see how deeply I need Jesus, and pray they too might see their need for him.
Another great section... looking forward to the next.
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