A friend’s daughter gave birth this morning. We’ve known each other since our college days, had our first two children within months of each other and somehow managed to match their gender to each other—boys first, followed by girls. Her children have been able to have one child each—my children have struggled with infertility. Our stories are the same and yet different. In these pages, John weaves his best friend’s story into his own—and their stories are different. John lost his first wife and child while his friend, Boughton, had four children and a home that seemed full of love. But, both homes knew sorrow and heartache. Their stories were different yet they each knew grief and sorrow. In past pages we’ve seen divisions—a family divided from a grandfather and from a son. Beliefs and perspectives led to relational conflicts and separation. Now, we begin to see that trend in another family’s home.I have to admit our family has known heartache and separation. A brother went AWOL when his wife struggled with alcohol. For over 10 years, we didn’t get to be with them, hear from them, or know their 3 boys. That was amazingly tough. And, my own children, for perfectly healthy and good reasons, live far away from us—our daughter and her husband are in Taipei, and our son, his wife and our grandson (special delivery adoption) live in Chicago. (We’re in CA) We miss them—and I find myself wanting to know the details of their lives while wishing they could know mine. There are probably countless paths to separation from family and longing for them. Have you walked down any? Are you there now?
Besides family dysfunction, appearance also shows up as a theme in this section. How things appear to us—how we see them, our concern for what we see or how we’re seen. “It is the kind of thing that might appear to have no value at all.” (pg 91) I’d love to hear your thoughts on sight-- both as we see and as we’re seen, and appearance—have you ever been taken in by appearance only to learn later the true value, the true meaning of what you were seeing?
Please share these stories on our blog this week. I look forward to reading your thoughts. As we read, and learn—we can enrich each other’s lives as we share. Thank you for taking time to interact with us—your fellow blog readers!
3 comments:
...countless separations and difficult "loss" and good-byes, YES! I think we can all relate to that. The loss looks different, one to the next, but there is deep grief in all loss. I loved his account on page 81 when he would walk through his town and see his friends houses in the dark at night. He would see a light on... or see a dark window and imagine what was going on. Sometimes I find myself doing that in my mind. As I am well aware that my dear loved missed ones in the States are all asleep right now, or are their lights on?? So, I wander "through the streets" in my mind and pray for those I have left behind.
Loss and good-bye is such a real part of this life-style the Father has called us to... and to wear this "crown of thorns" or to bear this "cross" is not an easy one.
And, yes, appearances!! Is there any culture that this isn't an issue in?? It just takes on different forms, doesn't it?! In Kazakhstan it was how you rolled your noodles (thin enough?), in Turkey it was how clean your windows were or if your children's undershirts were ironed... I haven't figured it out yet in this new context!! But, I loved to hear the account of how his mother's washing line was to be pristine! I thought of it as I hung my laundry--- uh, oh!!, I thought, is that the "rule" or the judgement line here?? :) In time I will learn... and I am sure I am breaking those rules of apperance all over the place!!
It was interesting to read of John's father's disagreements with his father. I can imagine those were extremely trying days. As a state, Iowa would have supported the Union, and yet many Christians were pacifists. I guess the question becomes, are there some things that are worth fighting for,and therefore making war justifiable. I would be interested to hear others thoughts on this.
I appreciated what Stephanie had to say about appearance. Made me laugh! Like she said, all those cultural things that we all deal with! It also made me think of how things appeared when I made my first few short-term trips to the mission field, and how differently they appear now after having lived here among the people. One must think rightly in order to live rightly, and I am reminded of how important it is that we are always seeking to think rightly. Hopefully that wasn't too confusing?! A.W. Tozer says it best: "The most important thing about a man is what comes to mind when he thinks about God."
Paths of separation... Like Stephanie I think we all walk those difficult days of loss and good-byes. It is hard leaving family and friends knowing you may never see them again on this side of heaven. After so many years here, I also feel some of that loss when I say good-bye for furlough. The hardest though, is being separated from family around holidays or special family happenings. It is part of this calling, and God gives us the grace to make it through, but it is never easy.
I liked Stephanie and Pams comments on appearances. Those little cultural snafus can catch us out many times. Sometimes I think someone really needs help, but then later find out that they didn't need any help or vice versa. It can be frustrating when I don't "see" the truth but only the appearance. I have some letters from my grandma that I didn't really value until she was no longer around to write new ones. Now the ones I kept are a real treasure to me and I wish I had kept more of them. I guess we all need to ask for wisdom to see rightly.
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