As We Forgive: Week 7-- Pages 232-264

The quote that opens this section is from Mary McCarthy. She says, “In violence we forget who we are.” Mary, who was orphaned at 6, knew a bit about violence from the abusive relatives that raised her for a few years before her maternal grandparents intervened and rescued her. And, though she was raised Catholic—she walked away from the Christian faith. In our book, we have read how violence did cause people to lose themselves—to be swept away by something horribly huge—something that changed them forever.

This last section tells another story of transformation. By now I know the pattern our author, Catherine, takes in her storytelling and I have to steal myself to fall in love with people who will be hurt in incomprehensible ways.

We first read of Claude—an innocent you man, and then we read of Innocent—a man who kills members of Claude’s family. We read how the violence took root in Claude’s heart and grew hatred, bitterness and a plan to return violence for violence. And, then we see God intervene, transform and bring amazing forgiveness that not only touches Claude but the people he purposes to meet and forgive.

Claude’s life is dramatically changed during his journey towards forgiveness. “I feel as though I’m free in my heart now. Before I forgave, I was small. Now I’m big.” Though his life is completely different- Claude has to continue to choose to forgive, to live peaceably with the people who had been his family’s enemies. The scars of his life will always be with him. Parents and a sister are missing from his family circle—killed with unforgiveable violence. Yet, Claude has turned from death to life, living forgiveness and working with other victims to help them rebuild their lives with forgiveness in their hearts for those who took so much from them.

Catherine ends her sections with interludes and this time, the interlude is a postlude. I am a bit relieved to be at the end of this book—the stories have been hard to read and convicting. What huge lives our forgiving heroes are living. They are really following in Christ’s footsteps. I’m sure it isn’t easy, that they have bad days when evil feelings threaten to steal the peace they’ve come to know with Christ’s help. And, it really is only because of Christ that they have been able to forgive, reconcile and help rebuild their beautiful country. Jesus, when he rose from the grave, still had scars—like our heroes. His scars were visible proof of the violence he had suffered and the forgiveness he had given.

Catherine writes on page 264, “When God raised this man, Jesus Christ, from the dead, he didn’t take away his scars. These scars testify to his pain, to his love, and to the extent to which God will go to conquer the evil of the world through the active suffering of forgiveness.”

There are scars in my life—real ones that have changed me and people I love. My daughter was sexually abused as an MK—though healed and whole, she isn’t the same person she would have been if this had never happened. I struggle with forgiveness—doing much better when the scars aren’t visible, but when they are rarely apparent, I feel emotions I thought were gone forever. And, I have to confront those feelings, the lies that come with them, and—all over again,seek truth and the ability to forgive.

“Forgive us our debts as we forgive others debts…” Please God, help me to forgive. No matter what! I have been forgiven so much—may I always be willing to live in forgiveness with those you have placed in my life.

This is our last week to post on this book. Do you have a transformational forgiveness story of your own to tell? We’d love to hear it and praise our Lord with you. Do you have a story that hasn’t reached forgiveness yet? We’d love to hear it, too—and pray with you.

If those stories aren’t yours, please post how this book has impacted you. Thank you for reading this life-changing book with me. I’ve grown as I’ve read and your comments have been a very important part of my rich experience with, As We Forgive.

NEXT BOOK CLUB: OCTOBER 11...see sidebar for book and ordering info for Caring without Wearing, by Carol Travilla

As We Forgive: Week 6 -- pages 189-231

If you watched me read this book, you would see mixture of expressions—disbelief at the horror, incredulity at the forgiveness, amazement at the redemption. This section had it all—but with amazing courage thrown in.

As we read these pages, we’re introduced to young people who will be confronted with terror, torture and death. We read of their baby steps towards recovery after the killings, and then of the renewed killing that demands courage beyond what I’ve ever had to practice. These kids are heroes! I have so much to learn from them.

After the violence, through God’s call on his life, one of the young men, Phanuel, becomes an ambassador of reconciliation. He often talks to large groups, and young people are his favorite audience. Part of his message to them would be a message fit for anyone who has suffered something that seems unforgiveable. He says, “We must find a way to forgive. I stand before you today as someone who has personally wrestled with this…. The only way that I’ve found, the only way I know to tell you, is through Jesus Christ. Beaten, mocked, despised, tortured, Christ in his final words here on earth called out, pleading for God to forgive the perpetrators. He was pleading for the forgiveness of you, of me, of the people who have hurt our families and our friends…” (Page 223) This powerful passage reminds me that in Christ the unforgiveable sin is forgivable because He already forgave.

I think you will find the reflective passage very helpful. The author shares how “growing empathy, seeing another person in a larger context, rehearsing positive traits, increasing positive interactions and decreasing negative ones, cultivating cultures and characters of forgiveness, and making meaning together to restore relationships can work to maintain the reconciled relationships we have worked so hard to build.” (Page 231) Personally, I find great hope in these well-thought out tools.

As we post this week—and yes, I really want you to post—we need your thoughts, please reflect on your forgiveness journey. Have you ever forgiven an unforgivable? Have you been able to build any kind of relationship with someone who hurt you or those you love? What did that look like? I look forward to reading your posts!

As We Forgive: Week 5 -- Pages 163 - 188

This section opens with the chapter, “Snakes in the Grass,” which has so many meanings. I read this phrase and I think danger—the kind that lurks, sneaks, hides but is determined to hurt, maim or destroy. We talk about bad people being snakes in the grass—hidden, yet threatening our world with their dark plans for destruction or greed. We hunt for snakes in the grass—we want to flush them out and kill them. In this book, the victims are hiding like snakes in the grass while their tormentors are the real snakes in the grass.

As I read today’s news, a little boy has been taken from his school in Portland OR—I would have to guess by a real snake in the grass. If that person is ever found and goes to jail, it will be hard for me, and for most people I guess, to take that label off of him and trust him out in society once he has paid for his crime. We want to know when a sex offender lives in our neighborhoods. We want parole officers to do their job and keep criminals from repeating their crimes—while we never let them forget that they owe us big time. Their debt to society may never be paid because they will always be known by what they did—how they behaved badly—how they brought evil into someone’s life.

In this book, though, I’m confronted over and over again with a different kind of response to evil. Real repentance! Real forgiveness! Sometimes one comes first and then the other follows. But, not always. Devota’s incredibly story is told in this section. We learn of her amazing strength and God’s amazing care for her even as her two children are killed. And, in Devota, we learn new lessons of forgiveness and healing. As she extends grace and mercy with forgiveness, men who killed respond with questions: “How can this be when we behaved like such animals?” “Who are these people?” when Devota told them people were ready to forgive. And, others simply saying, “Thank you, thank you. God is merciful.”

I am thankful this section ends with some very practical steps to facilitating healing and forgiveness. I’m wondering if we can post about those steps this week.

• Have you ever practiced any of them?
• What were your results? Which ones look feasible to you?
• Do you know of situations where you could apply these steps?

Please share your experiences of reconciliation with us this week.

As We Forgive: Week 4--Pages 132 - 162

Jesus knew incredible, real, physical pain causing grief—the kind that rips you on the inside so you sweat drops of blood. The people in Rwanda knew this kind of grief, too. For so many reasons, grief glazed over eyes and built walls around hearts. Monique’s story stands out for the terror she experienced for herself, her husband and her four children. I can’t imagine being able to contain my fear if I would have been in her place, living her suspense, horror filled drama.

The heart of darkness is introduced in these pages as one of this book’s themes. Evil seeks to rob us of hope, faith and love. Have you ever lived with a fear that robbed you of these life essentials? What does fear do to you today? Are you impacted by fear? What does that look like—where does it show up? And, more importantly, how do you deal with fear so that its evil doesn’t rob you?

Life has taught us many lessons about grief, fear, evil—our relationship with God has brought us faith, hope, trust, and love. A question for me to consider this week is where do I live—in fear and grief with evil robbing me, or with hope, faith, trust and love.

Like always, I look forward to reading your comments. Please take time to post your thoughts!

As We Forgive: Week 3--Pages 94 - 131

Chantel’s story starts with a celebration. Wearing a new white dress her father had given her for her Confirmation and First Communion, she whirls on the hillside with her father watching her dance. The dress and her world spin around her and joy in the moment and beauty of the day take her breath away. To make her day completely special, John, a Hutu neighbor, was hosting a party in her honor. It was unthinkable that John--a man her father drank beers with--would one day brutally kill the man he stood with that day while they both enjoyed a little girl’s joy spilling over into dance.

This story is so sad—I struggle to understand how neighbors can enjoy meals together and then kill each other. It is also amazing to me how thorough the brainwashing was that somehow made it OK. John felt great guilt at killing Chantel’s father, and hid so he’d never be forced to kill someone else. But it wasn’t till the preachers began to come to the prison that John understood the depth of the evil he had done(page111). Crying out to God for forgiveness, he wondered if Chantell would ever be able to forgive him.

These pages tell the story of transformation—change that took these very real people into a hell we can’t imagine, and then brought them out again. They also tell the story of Pascal—a man God called to the mission of forgiveness and reconciliation. It is amazing what God was able to do through this faithful and obedient man. We’ve seen people like him in the preceding pages and more will come later in the book.

But, what I want to stress right now is that God used a very humble man to do incredible things for Him; however, the path was extremely hard. Who in their right mind would have accepted this assignment, moved their family to such a troubled nation, and walked into prisons and talked to people who had skinned their neighbors, raped their friends, brutally murdered children. Pascal. Amazing.

Can you identify in some way with Pascal?

Is God asking you to do something hard right now? Or, has He in the past?

Do you see how He is using you in a very ugly setting?

Let’s tell those stories this week as we post. Not to brag, or to be proud—but to rejoice that God invites us to partner with Him in His redemption/transforming work in this world.

As We Forgive: Week 2--Page 60-93

I don’t like scary movies or adventurous rides at the fair. My life holds plenty of drama and I don’t need anything else to force me to the edge of my chair or to put fear in my stomach. I don’t like being afraid—it is one of my besetting sins—one I often confess. With God’s help, I’m being transformed into someone more courageous—someone who is learning boldness. Still, I don’t know if I could watch a movie of these pages, let alone live them or relive them over and over again. I can’t imagine being Joy—living and reliving her life over and over again…

Joy was a little girl when violence broke out and neighbors killed her father and then hunted for her, her sisters and her mother. In that violence, many things broke for each of them, including the neighbors. Joy’s world fell apart—even when she was “safe,” she wasn’t. Her memories were tearing her apart and teaching her hatred, while her orphanage’s lack of food, kindness and its culture of meanness continued to reinforce her conclusions about life, adults, safety, and family.

I have to believe God never left this little girl’s world. The machete and the violence didn’t trample out His church or His people or His Holy Spirit’s power to move people into situations of reconciliation that they could not have imagined. As we read and then comment this week, please tell us where you saw God in Joy’s life—in the lives of the other people who populate her story.

Do you have experiences in your history that mirror what you see in Joy’s life?

What do you think of the steps to forgiveness that are presented in the interlude?

Do you have your own healing path of forgiveness?

Take a look at the questions on page 93. Would you like to answer any of them for us? Your thoughts are important to our discussion—please comment, OK?