This section opens with the chapter, “Snakes in the Grass,” which has so many meanings. I read this phrase and I think danger—the kind that lurks, sneaks, hides but is determined to hurt, maim or destroy. We talk about bad people being snakes in the grass—hidden, yet threatening our world with their dark plans for destruction or greed. We hunt for snakes in the grass—we want to flush them out and kill them. In this book, the victims are hiding like snakes in the grass while their tormentors are the real snakes in the grass.
As I read today’s news, a little boy has been taken from his school in Portland OR—I would have to guess by a real snake in the grass. If that person is ever found and goes to jail, it will be hard for me, and for most people I guess, to take that label off of him and trust him out in society once he has paid for his crime. We want to know when a sex offender lives in our neighborhoods. We want parole officers to do their job and keep criminals from repeating their crimes—while we never let them forget that they owe us big time. Their debt to society may never be paid because they will always be known by what they did—how they behaved badly—how they brought evil into someone’s life.
In this book, though, I’m confronted over and over again with a different kind of response to evil. Real repentance! Real forgiveness! Sometimes one comes first and then the other follows. But, not always. Devota’s incredibly story is told in this section. We learn of her amazing strength and God’s amazing care for her even as her two children are killed. And, in Devota, we learn new lessons of forgiveness and healing. As she extends grace and mercy with forgiveness, men who killed respond with questions: “How can this be when we behaved like such animals?” “Who are these people?” when Devota told them people were ready to forgive. And, others simply saying, “Thank you, thank you. God is merciful.”
I am thankful this section ends with some very practical steps to facilitating healing and forgiveness. I’m wondering if we can post about those steps this week.
- Have you ever practiced any of them?
- What were your results? Which ones look feasible to you?
- Do you know of situations where you could apply these steps?
Please share your experiences of reconciliation with us this week.
7 comments:
I'm afraid that I'm going to be taking a break from book club once again. I'm actually in the middle of miscarrying our first child right now. We are days away from a planned home-assignment in the USA for three months. I will miss the club, but my heart is breaking so badly that I cannot bear to read more sad stories right now. Thank you for your understanding and prayers!
Oh, Michelle, my heart is breaking with you. I can totally understand why you must carefully choose what you are reading right now. Please, know that I will be praying for you. Dear God, please hold Michelle and her family close as they go through this incredible sad loss. Please help Michelle with the physical challenges her body is going through. Please hold her on your loving lap and comfort her with the comfort only you can give. Please comfort her husband too--and their extended family. We place Michelle in your loving hands, trusting that you are caring for her in ways we can't even imagine.
I hope you will join us again, someday, Michelle.
Lovingly,
Linda
Michelle-
I am so deeply sorry to hear of your loss. I know that no words will alleviate your pain and your grief. If you ever need a "listening ear"... you can find one here. May you find comfort in our mysteriously sovereign God.
Devota's story is incredible and unimaginable to me, as they all have been. I enjoyed the interlude of this section. A lot of great stuff, and practical help.
I particularly enjoyed this native Australian, John. Seems to be a very wise man. He had read that listening is the greatest form of loving, so for his first three months in Rwanda he simply listened. As missionaries, there is so much pressure, both internal and external to get doing. Do, do, do. We have learned (and are still learning) the importance of taking the time (and it takes a lot of time) to listen and learn, for this is what will ultimately enable you to do, and do well.
I love listening. Whether it is quietly listening to what God is teaching me, listening through reading, or listening to a friend unload on me. I love to listen to others. I long to be there for them. I am not eloquent in speech and may have no words to say, but I can listen and delight to do so. This is something that God has been showing me lately, and I have been praying that He helps me understand how I can use this to love and serve.
There was a quote that caught my attention:
"As the Rwandan saying goes, 'The tears of a man flow down the inside to his stomach.' The point of the proverb is that emotions are private and better when suppressed..."
This was interesting to me as I have sought to understand emotions in the context that we live... Haiti. Sometimes people here appear to be so tough, so hard, showing little emotion. And yet, at funerals, there is wailing, yelling and grieving like you've never seen. Almost as if is their time to grieve, not just for the loss of a loved one, but for every other thing that has been bottled up. So interesting to me. At times I have become discouraged by this, and have wondered how I can serve others by listening, by just being there in a culture of seemingly bottled emotions. Reading this book has given me an eye into African culture and has therefore helped me better understand our context here.
I am learning. This has been another piece in the puzzle.
I also liked how the author defines active listening skills "maintaining eye contact, nodding, summarizing, clarifying, and allowing silence help the other feel valued." This is good. I think sometimes in listening we feel the need to speak, but many times this may lead to frustration for the one talking. Sometimes you don't want someone to try and solve the problem or make you feel better, you just want them to listen.... and in that, there is healing.
Pam--your insights were so helpful to me, especially as you relate them to Haiti. The quote you mentioned also struck me and reminded me of how differently we all respond to events in our lives. I just went through the LIFO training this week which is another personality instrument, and it re-emphasized to me how different we really are and the importance of seeking to understand so we can live well in every area with each other. Your comments reflect that. Thank you!
Fellow readers--I hope you've ordered Carol's book. I can't say enough good about it. It is a much "lighter" read than our present book and as I prepare for our book club study, I'm finding it to be very practical. I think it may be a good resource book that you'd enjoy having in your library. Click on the photo of the book to order.
Michelle...I am so sorry to hear of you loss. I pray that the Lord will provide a time of healing and refreshment for you and your husband while you are in the States. I pray there will be special times when he renews your Joy. I pray He gives you energy to do all that needs to be done while you are there. I pray that those around you will support you with His love and give you His grace to be who you are and where you are in your journey as well.
This section was very hard to read and yet also very helpful. I cannot imagine going through the horror that Devota or any of the people in these stories had to go through.
The interlude was very helpful. Although my experiences have not been nearly as tramatic as these, I do know that these steps help. I was involved in a very traumatic robbery during my first year here. Having someone to talk too is so important. Having someone who will help you feel safe and help you realise you need to talk about it is so helpful. I went through many of the symptoms talked about as PTSD - mostly in the area of survivors guilt. It took a long time to find peace with what happened - mostly because I didn't think I was really affected by it like those who were physically present. However, talking through it several times over a couple of years really did help me see that there were things I needed to come to terms with. It was only when I had been able to do that, that I was able to forgive those who had caused such a change in my life.
There were times when no one was around to listen - since I live in a remote area and I didn't have the language skills to speak about it to my local friends. So, journaling prayers to God expressing what I was thinking and feeling was also very helpful. It was an avenue to express my feelings and just to think through the events and after affects of it. The guided visualisations seem like a good way to work through some of the emotions and to gain some understanding about what the offender or offendee might have been thinking or going through. I think it will be good to have these as guides for problems in the future.
I greatly appreciate those who took the time to listen to me as I processed. I pray that I have been able to return the favor for others. I also pray that the Lord will help be to become even better at listening and encouraging others in these areas.
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