As I studied my way through this chapter, I found myself day wishing we could be in one room together, practicing and discussing what we are learning. Hopefully, we can each stretch a bit and enjoy a great practice and discussion session. Are you ready?Carol says our most valuable caring skill is listening. I found this to be a very hopeful concept since I often don’t know what to say or do in difficult circumstances. Her definitions of active listening were helpful—I think my favorite was the simple statement that “listening is the conscious effort to hear.” (pg. 28) And, as I continued my reading, I could immediately think of people with whom I need to practice active listening.
For your comments this week, I’d like to ask that you start by answering question #1 on page 29.
Then, choose one of the ‘A-E’ situations and share your answer with us.
We’ll each need to do questions 4 & 5 on our own. Please share your response to Mary (question 5 on page 33.)
Then, let’s close this week’s time together by sharing our response to questions 8 & 9. My mom is the person for whom I need to grow my listening skills. She is 80, lives far from me, calls often and my role in her life is to fix things—relationships, problems, even her days. I’m praying I can practice more active listening with her.
I’m looking forward to sitting in this chapter this week and learning how to actively listen. Please share your responses with us—let’s grow together!
3 comments:
hmm.... looks like a really good book. Something I need to read now. I might see if I can find one and catch up with you all.
I really enjoyed this chapter immensely. I appreciated her emphasis on validation of what the other people are feeling without judgement. I can tend to want to, or feel the need to, "fix" and so this was a fabulous reminder for me. I loved the quote on, "the only reason some people have a secret sorrow is that the rest of us won't take time to listen to them" (Haddon Robinson)
To be honest, my response to the question #1... when was a time I felt this... is hard for me to respond to. I don't feel that I have experienced this very often at all. I have had a few friends that are better at listening than others, but I can honestly say that most the time I don't feel well heard. I do have a new friend this past year, that seems really good at this and she really seems to "enter in" with me when I am sharing my emotions with her. She is a great example of good listening. So, I want to learn to do this better for others!!
Okay... Situation B: she seems to be feeling abandoned and hurt. She is confused and afraid, I would guess. I might say, "It sounds like this friend has really hurt you and maybe you feel abandoned by them."
Honestly, the first two relationships that come to mind are my husband and my pre-teen daughter. I want to ask the Lord to help me to be better listener and to "hear them" and to enter into their feelings more.
I can really make quick judgements. I know it is more than keeping my tongue when I have these quick judgements and instead about His kind work in my heart to fill me with deep love and grace ...so that the judgements are not even there. That is my prayer.
Dear Stephanie--I really appreciate your insights and I hurt for you that you've not had many people in your life to really listen to you. This is something I can pray with you about.
As we've been in this waiting mode for the last several years, I've often felt homeless. We left everything in Idaho to come to CA to care for my mother-in-law who was dieing. The church that hired my husband was a perfect fit for us, but the recession hit it hard 15 months later and we had to resign. Next we moved into the CA foothills where my husband has been the interim pastor for the last 18 months. Our stuff is still in ID. I miss having a home, community and a sense that we're going to be here for awhile. Several long distance friends have listened to me share my "homesickness" with them and in the process have let me express my out of proportion feelings and helped me get back on track. Their listening has helped me focus on learning contentment--a huge blessing!
Situation A-I think this wife is feeling trapped and confused--maybe even robbed of her freedom and the ability to live her own life. I think I would begin by reflecting that she is going through a huge change. Change is really hard and I can imagine that you might be feeling emotions towards your husband that you've never felt before.
I say again--I need to grow in how I listen to my mom...
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