This week’s chapter, “Common Hindrances to Caring Responses,” wasn’t a real happy read for me. I felt sad as I realized how many times those hindrances had been present in me when I had tried to be caring to those in my life who were hurting. Yikes! I have so much growing to do in this area.
It is really, really easy for me to feel overwhelmed and condemned to bad patterns when I read a book like this. I wonder if I’ll be able to change. Do you? Well, for this week, let’s choose one of the four hindrances and present it to God in prayer and ask Him to help us grow in that area. So, for our sharing comments, please tell us which one you chose and why, and what kind of change you’d like to experience.
Then, since we aren’t able to listen to each other, find someone to listen to. Practice just being quiet while they talk. At the end of a few minutes, reflect back to them, “You seem to be feeling ________.” Then, share with us what that felt like to purpose to be still, listen and reflect.
There is one more step I’d like us to experience if we can. Do you have someone in your life who you could ask to just listen to you? Could someone close to you give you the opportunity to talk, while they listen and then reflect back to you? If you have someone like that, please set up a time this week to practice this listening exercise and share what that was like with us.
I’m looking forward to growing in all four areas Carol writes about in this chapter, but I know I need to start with a bite size step. The first three seem very connected to me—I see themes of me in each one, but I think I’m going to settle on number 3, needing to fix, as my improvement project this week. Since my aunt has moved into the assisted living home and isn’t doing well, and since my mom is trying so hard to help her sister, and since I live far away and can only listen by phone to their woes, I will have plenty of opportunities to work on this.
4 comments:
I'm so glad to be home--and look at this, I'm the first one to comment this week. The woth retreats went really well--and I've enjoyed getting caught up on our blog this morning. I am looking forward to hearing what you thought of this week's chapter.
I have to say that my answer to this week's questions are found in the content of my opening comments. I can be so arrogant as to think I know what another should do, say, be... and I'm often not shy about sharing my solutions to other's problems. Being at the woth retreats and meeting with the women for prayer as well as leading my small groups gave me ample opportunities to listen well and respond with reflection and not fixes. I hope I can continue to grow in this.
My roommate on the retreats listened really well. We often were quiet as we each took turns processing our days. What a wonderful gift to give each other! Now--I'm back to real life, a husband who listens well and friends far away. I hope I can continue to grow in quiet listening....
Well, as it turns out, I am NOT as good at listening as I thought I was! :)
I really enjoyed this chapter. The hindrance that I tend to do a lot is "telling your own story." I guess I always think that by telling my story that I can relate with them in their pain, and that I know how they feel. I wrongly think that they will be comforted to know that they are not alone, that they are not on an island even though that is what we may feel when we are going through tough times.
I have tried practicing this this week, but as with any habits, it will take time to learn, grow, and retrain myself as to how I respond to others. Good stuff!
Well, I just hindered a listening opportunity today with #1, #3 and possibly #4 hindrances to good listening! Ugh... I should have read this earlier in the week! I appreciate the reminders and the good suggestions in this book. And, need to walk in the practice of good listening, ...a learning curve. Like Pam, my heart's attempt is to "connect" or "relate" when I am possibly, or actually, hindering with my efforts to connect with them.
Guess I better move on to the be gentle with yourself chapter--- cuz I am feelin' pretty lame at listening right now!! ;)
I can so identify with wanting to connect or show understanding when I respond to another's story. I'm glad we're on this learning path together. It would be fun to sit with you and listen to each of you tell your stories.
I love your sense of humor, Stephanie! We do need to be kind to ourselves as we learn and grow. I know I need to practice patience with myself. I just got off the phone with my mom... lots of learning to do there....
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