I love the title of this chapter, “Be Gentle with Yourself.” Do you need that reminder as much as I do? The five expectations that Carol lists in this chapter have all been present in my life at one time or another, though I think the first one has been the most persistent. Carol imagines Jethro encouraging Moses to be gentle with himself. To be realistic about what he can expect from himself, is an admonition I need to hear, too.As you read this week’s chapter and answer Carol’s questions, please share your responses to question 2, 3, 4 and either 9 or 10. I’ve already started my answers, but I need to stop and pray and let the Holy Spirit search my heart. I want to continue to care for people and be there for them—but I want to take advantage of this study to learn about my motivations and discover if better way will allow me to care without burning out.
I will be praying for you as you prayerfully complete this study with me. I’m looking forward to reading your comments.
5 comments:
Question #2: I definitely think that the unreal expectations are very much rooted in pride and self-centeredness. I know in my own life it feels motivated by love or as if I am "for" others, but actually it is often in an effort to "be okay" or "be important" or "be seen" or "I should"...I am not sure I am always aware of the motives of my heart. But, I do know that times when I don't put up right boundaries and expectations to what I can and can't do... it isn't helpful for me, for my family, or for the person I am trying to help. And, it is so easy to fall into!! so easy!! And, I guess even as I write that... there are some motivations that are love in nature, I think. I love so-and-so very much and just want them to be healthy--- so, I do all I can to make them that way... but, actually, my "doing everything" is not actually helping them at all.
Question #4: When I have set right boundaries and attempted to have right expectations of myself... it has been hard, but very good. Very good. There is a lot of grace. And, there is room for other things-- -my family, my health, my times with God. With right boundaries comes health in my own life. That said, I have seen "boundaries" be used as an excuse for selfishness... as well as seeing "unhealthy over stretching" being called "service".
So, I have lots to learn in this area and have been spurred on to pray and ask God for healthy realities and boundaries for a current caring relationship I am involved in this week.
I can so identify with what you've shared Stephanie. These answers are kind of raw in my heart. I have so much growing to do and yet it seems that my patterns are set in stone. I know the Lord can change me and continue to mature me. I’m counting on His work in my life. Strange how I don’t always count on that same work in others lives and feel I have to do it!
2.–My unrealistic expectations of what I can do to help reveal a messiah complex. Yuk! Like I’ve been called to be the one to provide the help.
3.–One–I can change another person, and five–I must never make a mistake are temptations I struggle with. I feel responsibility in both cases–overcome with the need of the person and that feeling I must help and also the awareness of how dangerous trying to help can be.
4.–It would be a relief. To really trust God to be the one to help and the one to provide answers is something I want to practice at a deeper level. I do this, but at the same time I’m assuming too much responsibility. So, to truly be confident in God and step back while remaining available would be a great step for me to take. I’m sure, though, that this is a change that only the Holy Spirit is going to be able to preform.
10. I was talking to my mom on the phone last night and she was sharing the many burdens she is carrying for needy family members. I live 1000 miles away and we may be about to move even farther away. There is little I can do to help but support her from a distance. Still, I feel so guilty to not be physically present for her. If I go back to question #4 and truly give her to God, it would mean that I am committed to believe that He is meeting all her daily needs even though it seems particularly demanding for her right now. I pray for God’s help to do this.
Stephanie and Linda-
I am dealing with some health issues right now, and am having a hard time keeping up with responsibilities. I'm so drained. I don't think I can keep up with the club at this time. :( Hopefully I will be able to pick it up again later. Sorry about that!
Pam
Pam--we will miss you but our prayers are with you. It sounds like you are taking some wise steps to care for yourself. May you regain health and energy soon. And, may your heart be encouraged as you rest and wait on God to restore you. Hopefully you'll be able to join us with another book, soon. In the meantime--know we are praying with you.
Thank you, Linda. I will hopefully be back with another book. Thank you for your prayers. They are much needed and much appreciated!
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