This is a book about stories—the impact telling the truth with our stories. Abilene tells mae Mobley “secret stories” even though she knows she “could get in a lot a trouble telling” them to her. Talking is getting people into a lot of trouble in these chapters—and keeping people from talking is becoming just as important as getting people to talk. Have you ever shared something with someone you later wished you’d never said? What were the repercussions? Have you ever influenced someone not to say something? How did that work out?
Living authentic, transparent lives is something we are challenged to do—but it does come with consequences. How do you balance truth with safety, honesty with prudence?
3 comments:
I was just thinking about this topic this week. I was raised to unquestionably obey those in authority and to be open about thing in our lives with them. I still believe in transparency - perhaps more than ever I was taught, but a huge key is discerning WHO to be transparent with. Not everyone, leader or not, deserves that trust.
I was also firmly taught not to "air our dirty laundry". Recently even, my parents firmly argued against sharing your weak points or struggles with other believer as "that will make it hard for them to think good of you" and "we are only supposed to talk about good things, not sins". It made me deeply sad since they miss out on the enormous power there is in transparency, accountability, and having someone pray for you and encourage you where you are struggling. But again, the key is who... We are blessed if we have a person who we can trust with our hearts.
Repercussions of sharing with someone I should not have? Wow... those are harsh... I still live with some of them. Judgement. Gossip. Slander. Dissension. I've learned to listen to what people say about others and avoid people who judge harshly and share secrets. They will do the same with you.
I hope I have never influenced someone not to say something. Perhaps to say it to the right person or in the right time, but if I have to err, let it be on speaking the truth rather than hiding it! Light conquers... even if it gets bent around a little, it still will conquer darkness.
Living authentic lives starts with being able to tell ourselves the truth about ourselves. I was just amazed when I read Elizabeth say that there are some racists in town and Hilly responding - oh yes, they're out there. Wow, they don't even see that they themselves are.
Then Abilene telling stories to Mae Mobley that are truthful and yet have to be secret. Abilene also tells Minnie that there are no lines. They are all in our heads- put there by folks trying to make us believe they exist. That is truth, but it has to be kept secret or lives would be ruined.
Living authentically and being transparent can be risky but it is worth it. There are consequences and we have to use good judgement. It can be very painful when someone we shared something with doesn't treat it with respect. It can hurt others too. And yet, it is helpful to share with those who will pray with and for you when you share a weakness, a problem or even confess sin to. Having someone stand with you in prayer or even stand for you in prayer when you can't is a real blessing for the Lord. So, there has to be balance and good judgment on who you share with, but you do need to share.
Ellie--thank you for reminding us what our parents and culture taught us. I remember the admonition to not air our dirty laundry, too. That often left my family in isolation without all that we needed to deal with what life let in the door everyday.
One of my pet peeves is when a friend says, "I was having a hard time last week, but now I'm fine." Why didn't they pick up the phone and call or email when they were in the thick of the struggle? I think there are a lot of reasons and you mention some of the repercussions. Another one is fear of being put in a box, labeled and left on the shelf. "She struggles with depression," rather than "She was sad last week." We really need to be transparent, but we also need to listen to each other while remembering we're all in process.
Lynn--your reminder to us that we need to pray for one another is so key to this issue. If we humble ourselves and ask for prayer, and if we who pray really pray with our eyes on Jesus and His truth, love and mercy in our hearts--God will do amazing, amazing things to bring healing to each of us!
Thank you for commenting, Ellie and Lynn!
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